Thank You!

I just wanted to say Thank You to all of you that left such encouraging words on my last entry. Today's visit made me feel better, and a little more understanding of the numbers and process. My E2 was 291 and my biggest follicle was 1.9, so I'm content with that. I trigger tonight and go in for my first IUI on Thursday.

So, do any of you do anything differently on the day of your IUI? I decided to just take the day off since I'd be missing most of the school day anyways, then I got a wild hair and scheduled myself a massage for afterwards. It's also the night of the Rascal Flatts concert in Huntsville. My DH has already texted me and told me he didn't want me to go because it would be "too stressful" from what I read online, women are fine to continue their normal activities. What do you think?

On another note, on the elevator ride to the office was interesting. I recognized the girl that was in the elevator. It was my sister's college roommate! So, I broke the awkward silence in the waiting room, it turns out she was there to see Dr. Long too. Fortunately, she was there with good news....a positive pregnancy test. Then, on my way out, I saw Liz!

I believe you are all right, we need to schedule a Mid-March Mental Health Fertilifriend meeting. =) Anyone want to volunteer a house, or a coffee shop?

Uncertainty

As I progress through this month with my new doctor, I realize how uncertain I am about this whole process. I doubt my every move, question what's best for my body, and wonder if things will ever turn out. I went Saturday for u/s and blood work, and my E2 level was 109 and Progesterone .4; my largest follicle size was 1.3 This made me sad, although I'm not quite sure it should. Continued with more Menopur and then I went back this morning and my E2 was 232 and Progesterone .5 with my biggest follicle size 1.6 took one final day of Menopur. I go back tomorrow morning. I have no idea if any of these numbers will be good enough to get me pregnant this month, and I never know what questions to ask when I'm there. I really liked the nurse that did my u/s today, I think her name was Anne. My current worries are that, I won't get to do IUI because my numbers aren't better, but if I do get to go ahead with IUI it won't work because my numbers aren't better. It seems like I've become so accustomed to bad news, that I'm not sure if anything is good news. I need imput or translation of numbers. Help me out ladies.

When I went back to Southern to get more Menopur, the pharmacist says, "You know you have a $2000 cap on insurance, right?" Uh...no I've already used most of that in the last 2 months. My insurance has been covering 50% of my meds so far, and we've been struggling. I don't know how all these other women do it for so long. I guess I chose the wrong career path. Teacher's salary and infertility treatments don't mix. Where do I go from here? Loans? Asking loved ones for help? What are all of you doing?

Another bummer, I didn't go to the monthly Resolve meeting tonight. I could have used the fellowship. I just couldn't justify driving down twice in one day, and then having to turn around and go again first thing in the morning. I wish the meetings were bi-monthly...especially in long months like this one looks like it's going to be.

Oh, on another note, I think there is something wrong with me. Every time I go to the doctor, I catch myself longing to know the stories of all the other women and couples in the waiting room. I think it's because I've felt so alone lately. My friends and family (and even husband) are doing their best to try to understand what I'm going through, but I feel so isolated and uninvolved in their lives. I guess I long for new friendships with women that are in similar situations as myself. Have you ever noticed the stiffness in those waiting rooms? I swear everyones eyes are wondering trying to figure out what CD is is for the girl in the green sweater, or how many years the lady with her nose in a book has been trying, or if anyone's diagnosis is worse than mine. Is it just me? Or are any of you thinking and wondering the same thing. Why is everyone so afraid to talk to one another? One day, I'm going to build up the courage to just strike up a converstion. Maybe I'll meet a new friend.

Rach-ology

I decided to copy this from "Big Belly or Bust...What to expect before expecting" and thought it would be fun.

Rules: YOU! Yes, you, reading this. You're tagged. Now that you know more about me than you ever wanted to know, play the game, it's fun! Let others know a little more about yourself, repost this as your name followedy by "ology."

FOODOLOGY:

What is your salad dressing of choice? Italian

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? We aren't original--Red Lobster

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? I'm going to have to say subway

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Any kind of pasta

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Mushrooms and Pepperoni

How many televisions are in your house? 3

What color cell phone do you have? Black


BIOLOGY:

Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdome teeth, a werido tumor from my back, and some bone from my foot.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Nope

Have you ever fainted? yes

BULLCRAPOLOGY:

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? I don't think so, unless it was going to be soon.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I would keep my name the same.

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? I'm guessing around 10-15 pairs

Last person you talked to? Hubby boo


FAVORITOLOGY:

Season? Fall/Winter

Holiday? Christmas.

Day of the week? Saturday

Month? June or July (hey, I'm off work!)

Color? Red

Drink? water

CURRENTOLOGY:

Missing someone? not currently

What are you listening to? Olympic coverage on tv

What are you watching? Olympic coverage on tv

Worrying about? Monday's u/s and bloodwork, will it be good enough to go ahead with IUI

What's the last movie you saw? The Crazies

Do you smile often? I try

If you could change your eye color what would it be? I like my blue eyes, but I also like green

What's on your wish list for your birthday? It's too soon to get a BFP (March 9) so...successful treatments

Can you do a chin-up? Absolutely not

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? A bit of both

Have you been in a car wreck? Actually no...hope I don't have to ever experience that

Have you caused a car wreck? No

Do you have an accent? A little...if you ask my family from MI-a southern accent If you ask some people that I work with- a bit of a northern accent

Last time you cried? yesterday

Plans tonight? Working at the church nursery

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Not rock bottom, but close

Name three things you bought yesterday? Water, Menopur, Burger King for my mom

Have you met someone who changed your life? Absolutely

For the better or worse? Hoping for the better preparing for the worse

How did you bring in the New Year? With friends playing wii

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yes.

What songs do you sing in the shower? depends on my mood

Have you held hands with someone today? Hubby

Who was the last person you took a picture of? One of my students

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? That's tricky...I have a lot of new friends, but they're nothing like my old friends

Do you like pulpy orange juice? nope

Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? hm, it's been months

What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? sleeping

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Ow, my head

What? A good day?

I have had the best day today. There was nothing particularly great about it, but I just felt good. I didn't have a bad headache last night, I slept well, and I woke up ready for the day. It's been so long since I've had a good day, I've forgotten how nice it is.

With all my IF struggles, I have not been present in mind at my job for a while. Don't get me wrong. I love my job, and my students are great. I was just going through the motions of work. It was like I was almost annoyed with my precious students for no reason at all. For whatever reason that my body and mind decided to wake up and cooperate today, I'm sure glad that they did. For a good thirty minutes today I had 3 of 5 of my students up and playing chase with me. It was a silly improv game I came up with, but they played along and it went well. One of my students with Down's Syndrome (we'll call him T) had a toy school bus and several toy cars. I kept walking by and taking them. For a while he didn't notice, then finally he said "Hey Parks! My bus!" Then it started...the other students, the nurse, and I took turns running around with the bus, while T chased us. I had never seen him laugh so hard. Even after we gave the bus back to him. He'd bring it to us and tell us to run. I got the best work out.

What was it Elle Woods said? Exercise give you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people don't kill their husbands. Well then, good news for my husband! I wasn't even upset when he wanted to go play pool with his friends from work. We've been doing the Menopur at about 7, and I told him I could hold this one off til 8 so he could have a little longer.

Well, I guess I'm going to leave work now, I hope my good day keeps on coming!

Dr. Hubby

I'm going to take the time to give my husband some credit. He's been great the past 4 days. He is so careful in preparing the Menopur injections, and always asks me if I'm "ready" before he does it. He's also been a sweetheart when dealing with my Menopur headaches. He texts me throughout the day asking me how I'm feeling. He's a great guy and I don't give him enough credit. Just for giggles I took a picture of him while he was preparing my shot just a few minutes ago.

I love the look of concentration. He's such a trooper.

Well, I'm going to go finish watching Idol!

Boo Headaches!

So, I'm on my 2nd day of Menopur. It burns a little going in, and it's made me have nasty headaches the last 2 days, but other than that I'm feeling okay. Nick and I talked a little bit yesterday, and we decided that we're tired. Since we're with a new doctor, we want to give it a few trys maybe this one and one more, and then we need a break. Well, I need a break-and he was supportive. We pretty much live pay check to pay check so we also need to sit back and save a little bit too. We've had enough money for the drugs and doctor's visits, but we've had to really cut back on a lot of things...unfortunately groceries has been one of those things. We make it work, I can't complain too much, but we've got some big bills coming up, and we still haven't done our taxes. I always dread taxes because we end up owing for some reason. This year I have some medical to claim, but I'm not sure if it's going to be enough, we didn't start spending the big bucks until January. I'm looking forward to a break, but then I can't help but fear that my mind doesn't know how to take a break. I think I'll worry that if I hadn't have taken a break, would I have gotten pregant if I would have continued with treatments. So..although I've said we have decided to take a break, I wouldn't be surprised if I flake out on it.

Well, I'm going to go lay on a heating pad now. Night all!

Wii Grant

A while back, one of our instructional assistants brought her wii and wii fit to my classroom for use to use for a few days. The kids were awesome at it, and there were a lot of physical benefits too. Since then, I have been wanting one for my classroom, but with budget cuts, I couldn't afford it with my instructional money, and when I asked the "higher-ups" they always just told me to write a grant. So...I did. I'd never written a grant before because I figured it would be too lengthy or hard to do. Boy, was I wrong. I wrote it in about 15 minutes, and much to my surprise....I got it! So I was excited, the kids are excited....the only problem is that everyone is out of wiis right now! Ugh! I managed to catch our local walmart when they had just gotten a shipment of the wii fit in, but still no wii...anywhere. Apparently Nintendo shuts down for January for the Chinese New Year. Boo Nintendo! I want my wii! I have roughly 90 days to get a wii before my grant expires. My game plan is to call Wal-mart every morning, and remind them that we want one, so when they get shipments in I'll be the first thing they think about. If anyone is in "the know" about wii shipments, please let me know. I have a purchase order ready to use!

On another note, I made it to Brookwood all by myself today for my first baseline with them. Everything looked okay--no cysts to worry with. I should be good to start with the Menopur on Sunday evening. Here is where I gripe about the $3 parking: Gripe Gripe Gripe. Ok, that's enough...back to work!