Friday, February 10, 2012

The Post I Never Wanted to Post

A while back I posted about some personal issues that I wasn't ready to talk about.  I'm not sure why, but today I feel like I need to get it off my chest. 

I realize there are some people who follow my blog that I know in real life, and I ask that you be respectful after reading this and not discuss it with anyone, and I'm not really sure how all of this will play out.  Please be vigilant in prayer for my family, and I appreciate your consideration for my privacy.

Nick and I are separated.  There, I said it.  It hurts.  It's very confusing.  It's very painful.  I don't know what to expect for my family or my marriage.  Nick and I have never had the perfect marriage, but I never expected him to leave.  I never saw it coming.  We have been apart since November, and I have so much anger and resentment about how it has impacted all of my babies "firsts."  I don't know if this seperation will end in divorce, or if we will try to find a common ground and make it work.  I do know this:  I want my children to have their family together, but I do not want to live in a marriage where I am not loved or not put above all others (aside from my children).  Being a single mom to triplets who are about to turn one isn't easy, but I have been blessed with great family and friends who help me out.  Nick will come help when I ask, but it's a pride thing on my behalf.  I don't like to call unless I have it confuses me to have him around. 

For now, I'm seeing a counselor.  It's been helpful.  I just have a hard time not know what my life has in store.  I've always known this about myself.  It's why I felt like I had such a hard time with infertility.  I can't stand not knowing. 

I will end again by asking for your prayers.