Friday, February 10, 2012

The Post I Never Wanted to Post

A while back I posted about some personal issues that I wasn't ready to talk about.  I'm not sure why, but today I feel like I need to get it off my chest. 

I realize there are some people who follow my blog that I know in real life, and I ask that you be respectful after reading this and not discuss it with anyone, and I'm not really sure how all of this will play out.  Please be vigilant in prayer for my family, and I appreciate your consideration for my privacy.

Nick and I are separated.  There, I said it.  It hurts.  It's very confusing.  It's very painful.  I don't know what to expect for my family or my marriage.  Nick and I have never had the perfect marriage, but I never expected him to leave.  I never saw it coming.  We have been apart since November, and I have so much anger and resentment about how it has impacted all of my babies "firsts."  I don't know if this seperation will end in divorce, or if we will try to find a common ground and make it work.  I do know this:  I want my children to have their family together, but I do not want to live in a marriage where I am not loved or not put above all others (aside from my children).  Being a single mom to triplets who are about to turn one isn't easy, but I have been blessed with great family and friends who help me out.  Nick will come help when I ask, but it's a pride thing on my behalf.  I don't like to call unless I have to....plus it confuses me to have him around. 

For now, I'm seeing a counselor.  It's been helpful.  I just have a hard time not know what my life has in store.  I've always known this about myself.  It's why I felt like I had such a hard time with infertility.  I can't stand not knowing. 

I will end again by asking for your prayers. 

11 comments:

  1. I'm so very sorry to read this. Life can be so unfair sometimes. I can't even imagine how hard this must be on you and your family right now. I hope that you can find the happiness and stability that you seek and deserve. And good for you for setting standards. It's important to know what you will and won't accept from a spouse. I know you already know this but just keep loving on those babies and show them how strong you are and that everything will be ok, no matter how things turn out. Thinking of you...

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  2. Rachel, please know that I have prayed for you today. I prayed that your marriage be united again. A task that cannot be done by humans alone but with the help of the Holy Spirit. I will continue to pray for you and your family. I can only imagine the hurt and frustrations that you are going through but I pray that peace will come over you and your situation.

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  3. I'm sorry to read this. I am following from babycenter. I will be praying for all of you. :( Bless you raising triplets by yourself. That has got to be tough.

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  4. Praying for you Rachel! I know this all must be very hard and confusing.

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  5. I'm am so sorry, Rachel. I have been thinking about you since you had mentioned a while back that you needed prayer for family matters. I will continue to keep you in prayer. I know this whole situation must be very confusing, hurtful, and scary. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope God gives you strength and that things work out. You are a wonderful Mommy to 3 (almost) one year olds and that will never change. Prayers for you!

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  6. Im so sorry to hear this! Sending you love, prayers and strength xo

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  7. I'm so sorry, Rachel. Sending you strength and prayers.

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  8. Oh Rachel...I am so so sorry to read this. I can't imagine the confusion, exhaustion, frustration, etc. that you must be feeling. You guys are all in my prayers!

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  9. I am so very sorry. You and Nick are in my prayers.

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  10. Rachel I am so sorry to read this, You are in my prayers! I hope that peace finds you and your little family soon. You are doing an awesome job with those 3 cutie pies!

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  11. I'm very sorry that you have to go through this Rachel. I pray that you find strength, lots of love going your way and to your beautiful triplets.

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