Ultrasound pictures

I wanted to go ahead and give you a glimpse inside my uterus. =) Also, we have names!

Introducing: (pictures were taken at 18w6d --I will be 21w on Wed.)

Jackson Ryder Parks (Baby A)

Brayden Campbell Parks (Baby B)



Emma Lee Parks (Baby C)


We so love the fact that Emma has her hand on her forehead in her picture. I can just imagine what she was thinking with both her brothers kicking her and the ultrasound tech moving all over my belly.

New weird body things:

-My "girls" seem to be leaking just a little. Ah! I know it's early, but from what I'm told it happens.

-Strange tightening/pulling (slight pains when I move too quickly) at the top of my stomach, just under my boobs. I called the doctor today. He very casually says, "Oh yeah, that sounds like your muscles attached to your ribs are stretching and quite possibly ripping away from your ribs. It's completely normal."

-Not so new, but ever growing belly hair. I noticed an increase of hair just about everywhere as soon as I found out I was pregnant, but now it's kind of starting to look like a happy trail.

Some recent Reflections:

-Thanksgiving- Very bittersweet for me as November 27th was my due date for my first pregnancy. I have very conflicting emotions about this day. I know that without experiencing the loss of our little angel, I would not have these precious babies growing inside of me now. However, I still miss that baby and grieve over the loss.

-I do have so much to be Thankful for now. In fact there are too many to list in one single post.

-Tomorrow is my last day of work before modified bed rest. I also have mixed feelings about that. I will miss my co-workers and students, but I am relieved that I can take it easy for these babies now. We FINALLY found the perfect replacement today. We interviewed 3 today, and I told my principal I just had a good feeling about one in particular, so he went with my feeling and offered him the job!

-The girls at work are throwing me a shower tomorrow at work. Initially, when they told me they were going to do this I freaked out because it's so early, but they really allowed me to set up some boundaries, so I feel comfortable now. It's now just a gift card shower, and I've also made commitment cards for donations of sick days. They can't really donate until I'm out of my own days, but I figured the more I could get to commit to it now, the better off I'd be. The school nurse said she'd email out a reminder when I was out of days so everyone wouldn't forget to fill out the appropriate paperwork for donations.

Well, I'm off to figure out what to eat for dinner. Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.

Happenings

I know I've been the worst blogger ever, so I thought I'd give some of you what you've been asking for.
20 weeks 1 day

I've been trying for quite some time to upload the latest ultrasound pictures, but for some reason when I hit the upload picture icon, nothing happens. So, It'll have to wait until next time.

Finally, 20 weeks in...this is starting to feel real. At the same time, I'm beginning to become terrified. You try for so long to get pregnant, that once you finally do, it's almost like shell shock. Don't misunderstand me here...I want nothing more than to be a mother, and I am thrilled that I am pregnant. It's just been difficult for me to really see the end result here, and now I'm so worried that these babies are going to come too early. I guess the worrying is just part of it. My husband once asked me when I was going to stop worrying.....I told him I would stop worrying when my children are grown with kids of their own, and it's time for me to go see Jesus.

As I am closing, I realize I haven't told you all the genders of our sweet little trio. So, please pray for my boys, their sister, and their mom and dad!

Quick Update

I haven't posted in several weeks, and I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still doing good. I'm 18 weeks now, and will be taken off work in a few weeks. I have another appointment Tuesday, and hopefully I'll be able to confirm the genders.

Continue to keep us in your prayers, and I continue to pray for all of you!

Miracles

I know I have been MIA for a while, but I promise...the wait is worth it. =)

After our loss in April, we allowed my body to heal after the D&C and waited patiently for AF to get back to normal. We decided to allow my body to have one natural cycle after that. I had emotional highs and lows that month. I struggled with "not" trying, and I longed to get back to the insanity of treatments. DH wanted to wait until August to start treatments again, but I convinced him that since school starts back in August, it wouldn't be a good idea. We decided to go ahead with treatments in July, and then take a break in August. We decided not to tell anyone that we were doing treatments, and just be private about what was going on with us.

Typically, when I do treatments, I tend to be uptight and pessimistic. I prayed A LOT and asked God to bring me peace through treatments, and boy did he ever! I have never felt so calm in my life. The game plan was similar to what got us pregnant the first time, so I was familiar with the routine. We did 150 units of Menopur and 75 units of Follistim with trigger and IUI. We were finishing up meds on vacation (we only went to Guntersville-- so we wouldn't be too far away from ART) and it turned out that each day that we were on vacation, I had to drive to B'ham to get follicle scans. The first scan was a little scary to me, but I reminded myself that God was in control. They talked about canceling my cycle because I responded too well. My ovaries were big, fat, and juicy. There were about 16 follicles counted, and 6 were in the lead. The next day, when I went in, a few of those had taken a lead, and by time we were ready to trigger, it looked like I had 5 that could be counted as mature. The nurse told me that I was at risk for multiples, and asked me if I wanted to go ahead with the trigger and IUI. With no hesitation, I told her that I was prepared for whatever happened. I prayed a lot, and just told God that I knew he was in control, and he would not give me more than I could handle.

The IUI was much different than I remembered from the first one. I had a lot of cramping, and I was so bloated I was sure I was overstimming. I drank lots of fluids, and took it easy until I started to feel a little relief.

Fast forward to the 2ww. I have to admit, although I did become anxious, it was by far the best and easiest 2ww I have ever lived through. When beta day came, I went and got my blood work early, and hoped they would call early. At about 2:00 I got a call from the nurse. First beta: 678!!!!!! She was very calm, and set up my next appointment, until I said, "That means there is more than one?!?!" She laughed and said, she was hoping I wouldn't know any better, but yes that I probably had multiples, but we couldn't speculate on how many.

We had our first ultrasound at 5w2d and the u/s tech looked at the screen then asked us how many mature eggs we had. We told her, and she said that she was seeing 2, possibly 3 babies. 2 gestational sacs had yolk sacs and a third possible sac, could have been just a fluid build up. They put us in a room to talk to a nurse. Everyone expected us to be shocked, but we were both pretty calm. The nurse advised us not to tell anyone that we were pregnant with triplets because I would most likely come back next week and they wouldn't all be there. (least favorite nurse--I think I've complained about her in the past)

The second ultrasound was a week later and we saw 3 babies and 3 heartbeats! Each week things seemed to be progressing well. At 9 weeks, Dr. L felt like things looked so good that it was time to say goodbye. He referred me to Dr. R who has had a lot of success with triplets. We saw him at 10 weeks, then again at 13 weeks. Praise God that the babies are all still looking good at this point.

I had my 10 year high school reunion last night, and I decided to let the cat out of the bag. So, today I'm letting the rest of the world know. I know that there are plenty of risks with a triplet pregnancy, and even though we are almost to 14 weeks, I am not out of the woods. I ask that you pray for Nick, Baby A, Baby B, Baby C, and I. I pray that we have 3 healthy babies at the end of this pregnancy.

Song

I am so saddened by some blog news I read today. I heard this song on the way home, and I felt compelled to share it.

"Love Them Like Jesus"

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus

The Tree Wins!

Had a nice weekend. I spent some time with my family at the lake, for my niece's birthday. DH and others rode the jet ski again, but I didn't feel much like getting in the lake since my "lake funk" rash had finally cleared up since vacation. I didn't a little research, and Andrea, I think you were right about swimmer's itch...gross.

Yesterday was my friend's baby shower, it was nice. My sister offered to go with me, so that, on top of having my friend Hayden there, made things easier. There was only a time or two, that I wished I could chime in with the mommy talk, but overall it wasn't too difficult for me...

Until...I left.

There were a lot of cars parked, and I was the first to leave, I had to kind of maneuver to miss a car, and in the process backed right into a tree. I actually had no idea what I had hit, because when I looked back, and in all my mirrors I still saw nothing. My sister got out and checked the damage because I was freaking out too badly to do so, and she helped me cope with my little drama. So, I'm out a tail light. My bumper dented it, but since it's a Jeep, and the bumper is rubber, it popped itself back out when I was driving. There are a few bark marks on it, but the bulk of the damage was the tail light. I stopped at advanced auto, and they quoted me $135 bucks for a new one, so I decided to call some junk yards. My husband said he found one for $50 bucks, so hopefully we'll be able to get that done in the next few days. Until then, I'm rocking the red redneck tape!

Hope everyone has a good week.

Dear Infertility

A friend of mine, Hayden-therapist in training, suggested I do this little exercise, and I thought I'd give it a shot.

Dear Infertility,
I've never known such hatred, sadness, guilt, and despair since you came into my life. You've ruined everything that I thought I would be. You've taken a toll on my heart, body, and mind. You have broken me. You've put strain on my relationships, and you've pushed resentment and jealousy into my heart. You have turned me into a woman obsessed with wanting what she can't have. You have placed doubt and uncertainty in every aspect of my being. You've hurt so many of us, in turn adding more hurt in my life for the others surrounding me that have to know you. You've shattered so many dreams, and literally made my life a living hell. You've made it difficult for me to find happiness in things that should bring me joy. You've robbed me from sharing motherhood with my sisters and my friends. You've robbed me of myself. Worst of all, once I felt like I had beaten you, you killed my baby. My womb is empty, my arms are empty, and my heart is empty. There is nothing or anyone else to blame, but you. I hate you, infertility. I hate you.


Ok, now that THAT is out of my system! Whew, I really do feel better. I realize that I've been carrying a lot of blame for my infertility. I've felt shamed that I can't reproduce like every "normal" woman is supposed to. I've also felt a lot of shame for losing the baby. When I found out I had ACL, I looked at my husband and said, "I killed our baby." I realize now, it's nothing I did, or could control, but it sure feels good to put the blame on something else.

So, for all of you Gleeks out there...yes Kara, I'm talking to you too. =) There was an episode when Rachel and her mother were singing together prior to being reunited. I absolutely blubbered like a baby when I watched. I finally got around to buying the Glee Vol. 3 soundtrack and the song is on there. It's from Les Miserables originally, and Glee cut some lyrics out and modified a little bit, but I want to share them with you, and tell you how I relate to them.

I Dreamed a Dream

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Do you remember when everything seemed so hopeful, before infertility?
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted
I wish I could go back to the time when I had no worries..I long for the innocence and life I had before infertility.
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they turn your hope apart
As they turn your dreams to shame
My tigers are infertility, depression, anger, jealousy, guilt, resentment.
And still I dream she'd come to me
That we would live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I still dream about my child, and how my life would be different with her here with me, but then when I realize it can't ever be...it kills me.
I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
This part speaks for itself.

I know it's cheesy to get so emotionally caught up in a song...especially if it's from Glee, but I really felt like I needed to share it with everyone.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend. TRY to relax and have a good time. Remember those who died for our freedom, and those who continue to fight, as well as their families who may be missing them right now. God Bless America!