Nerves

Tomorrow is the day that Dr. Long is supposed to release me. I go in at 12:00 for ultrasound to check on bean, then I'll meet with him to see if he thinks I'm ready. I'm feeling very nervous about this appointment. As crazy and irrational as I hope I'm being, I still think that it's too good to be true, and I feel like at any minute something horrible is going to happen. I had been feeling really positive and calm about everything, but last night my nerves just started peeking through. Yesterday at church, I was very weepy, I felt like God was speaking to me, and I felt so good when I left church. I guess the stinky devil didn't like how I was feeling so he put that fear back in me. Ugh...stinky devil. With all this being said, I'm praying for a strong healthy hearbeat tomorrow with good growth, and I'm praying for a calm and peaceful mind until then. Please keep me in your prayers as well.

On a completely different note, today was an interesting day of work. We were on our spring break last week, and so it was difficult for me to get motivated to come back to work. 28 days until summer vacation! Yay! However, 3 times since I've been pregnant, my alarm clock has magically turned itself off. I've turned my alarm clock off before and overslept, but these past 3 times I have no recollection of turning it off! I must be sleeping hard. Luckily I woke up at 7:00 am each time I've done this. I'm supposed to be at work at 7:45 (but kids usually start coming to my room around 7:30. I took the fastest shower, threw on some clothes, slapped on some make-up, and kinda fixed my hair. I made it to work at 7:38! Ta-Dah! I'm amazing, right? Once I got here I remembered that both of the paraprofessionals plus the nurse that work with me were all going to be out. 1 of the 3 substitutes are tolerable. Since I have found out I was pg, I've not been lifting my student who has CP. So, today, I had no one that could lift her. She doesn't tolerate sitting in her wheelchair for longer than 30 min at a time..so for a few minutes she was crying out in pain, and I felt so helpless. I'm sure I could safely lift, but at this point, I'm not going to do anything that might hurt bean...not after what I've done to get here. Eventually, I worked up enough courage to tell the nurse's sub that I was pg, and I can't lift. Luckily she has a strong back and he did all the lifting today...Thank Goodness! I told her that I felt like I could probably safely lift at this early stage in pregnancy, but I had been through fertility treatments, and I didn't want to risk anything. It turns out she went through fertility treatments to have her first child...very similar story as me. Then she told me that after the first one, they began talking about going back to the Dr. to start for #2 when out of the blue they conceived on their own. Praise God! I like stories like that.

Wow, I'm rambling...but, very quickly before I go I'm going to do a quick review of the other 2 substitutes. I'll call them Mr. Wrinkles and Mr. Crazy.
Mr. Wrinkles has been subbing for years. He has the best heart, but not the best hearing. He annoys the kids, but they love him at the same time. At best, Mr. Wrinkles is a warm body at best. Mr. Crazy is a new sub in our system. He is obviously very intelligent. He holds multiple degrees, and seems well informed about...well...everything EXCEPT social skills. The first time I met him, he kept calling me to the corner for a private converstaion in which he would continue to yell for the entire campus to hear. Ex: "Are these kids severely retarded?" (very loudly in front of my entire class. Each time he has subbed in my room, I have begged him to leave early in the afternoons. Most of my students are picked up at 2:30, and I really don't need him. Not to mention that he stares at me funny and it creeps me out, but he refuses to do anything differently than the schedule that the parapro has left for him. I seriously seriously think this man has Asperger's Syndrome. Bless his heart. If this is the case and he does have Aspergers, why do I have no patience with him. I do great with children with Aspergers. He's just...bizarre.

Hm, deep thoughts. Well, I've been long winded, so I think I'll stop now.