Yesterday was a little tricky for me. I tried not to think about it too much, but inevitably around 4:00 yesterday, the emotions started coming back.
-I wish I could make my husband a father.
-I wish hearing of others pregnancies didn't make me hurt.
-I wish I could focus on the positives instead of the negatives.
-I wish we were doing treatments next month.
-I wish someone would give me a baby.
-I wish my friends and family could understand.
-I wish someone could just "fix-it."
-I wish I had my baby back.
-I wish I wasn't wishing.
-I wish I could just let go and have fun.
-I wish letting go was easier.
-I wish my best friend wouldn't read this post and think I need therapy.
-I wish I didn't feel like 28 was old.
Oh, what am I kidding? I could go on forever.... All things considered, I feel like I've done a pretty good job of dealing with everything, thanks to God. I'm just having a few down days right? Please tell me this too, shall pass.
I've been trying to lose some weight since the miscarriage, and I did well for the first 2 weeks. This weekend I completely blew it, and the scales told me all about it this morning. On that note...one final wish. I wish that food wasn't my comfort.
This was a hard weekend :( Praying for you and hoping you can enjoy your summer!
ReplyDeleteHey Rachel, I feel all your wishes too. I try to tell myself not to live in the future or what could be, it doesn't help how we live in the present. But it is so hard to take my own advice. I Have an HSG tomorrow (Wed). It is going to show alot about my future. If they say I am fine I am going to start living again how I want to, and not be concerned about the maybes, or the ifs. I have got to be myself. Or they could say I am going to have surgery next cycle. I meet with the doctor next Thursday to discuss the results. I am ready to know where my life is headed for sure.
ReplyDeleteDid you go to Resolve this month? How was it? Did they say what was going to be going on next month?
Hope your week gets better,
Liz
Sweetest Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI "wish" I could fulfill all those wishes for you, for me and for every woman who walks this path.
Go easy on yourself and know that you are doing an amazing job given what you've been dealt. Time helps ease the immediate pain and you just need more of it. Grant yourself the gift of indulging in yourself sweet friend. As for everyone else, let them take back seat for a while.
Keep walking with God, believe in the future and grasp HOPE with both hands.
AND
This too shall pass...
Lots of love
xxx