Monday, March 8, 2010
Are you okay?
It has been several weeks since someone at work has pulled me aside and asked that...until today. I went to the teacher's lounge to make some copies, and our secretary got that look. The "I have sympathy for you so I'm going to lower my brows and tilt my head sideways" look. Then comes the question. "Are you okay?" Such a simple question shouldn't throw a person off guard, but for an infertile like me who has come off of a hormonal weekend, I guess my reaction wansn't the best. I just looked her square in the face and replied with a simple "no" and went on with my copying. I really have to stop reacting this way, I was just so disappointed in myself because I thought I was doing a good job at masking my pain. She went on to say something along the lines of "I hate seeing you do this to yourself"....and I mumbled something about "if it doesn't kill me, I think I'm supposed to come out stronger" She hugged me and left me to my copying. After several hours of reflecting on this little incident, I've decided I need to go tell the secretary that I'm okay that she just caught me coming off a bad weekend, and I've also decided I need to try to find the happy me again. I can see glimpses of the happy me, but it should be far more than mere glimpses. So, tonight I'm going to attend a Premier Jewelry Party that I had planned on skipping because I wanted to avoid my friends with kids...and I refuse to let the fact that they have kids (and I don't) keep me from having a good time. Tomorrow, I'm going to the StarDome for my birthay with some other friends. I can be happy. I can be happy. I CAN be happy.