Monday, March 8, 2010

Are you okay?

It has been several weeks since someone at work has pulled me aside and asked that...until today. I went to the teacher's lounge to make some copies, and our secretary got that look. The "I have sympathy for you so I'm going to lower my brows and tilt my head sideways" look. Then comes the question. "Are you okay?" Such a simple question shouldn't throw a person off guard, but for an infertile like me who has come off of a hormonal weekend, I guess my reaction wansn't the best. I just looked her square in the face and replied with a simple "no" and went on with my copying. I really have to stop reacting this way, I was just so disappointed in myself because I thought I was doing a good job at masking my pain. She went on to say something along the lines of "I hate seeing you do this to yourself"....and I mumbled something about "if it doesn't kill me, I think I'm supposed to come out stronger" She hugged me and left me to my copying. After several hours of reflecting on this little incident, I've decided I need to go tell the secretary that I'm okay that she just caught me coming off a bad weekend, and I've also decided I need to try to find the happy me again. I can see glimpses of the happy me, but it should be far more than mere glimpses. So, tonight I'm going to attend a Premier Jewelry Party that I had planned on skipping because I wanted to avoid my friends with kids...and I refuse to let the fact that they have kids (and I don't) keep me from having a good time. Tomorrow, I'm going to the StarDome for my birthay with some other friends. I can be happy. I can be happy. I CAN be happy.


  1. Hey Girl! Happy Early Birthday! We all have those days where our responses aren't what we were hoping would come out of our mouths :( Have fun at the jewelry party! Since we live parallel lives, of course I went to one last week. I bought those dangly coral earrings, but couldn't break down and buy the matching necklace. Maybe one day :) Have a great evening and fun birthday!!

  2. I hate when people ask me this- are they prepared for me to say "no", because that is a likely response! I feel like most people who ask are just assuming you are but want to feel sympathetic towards you (me)....

    I just wanted to give you a virtual hug about the recent SA results/developments. We are gearing up for IVF, and my hubby's #s have always been fine, but for IVF they do an even more detailed SA (maybe the $400 you're talking about- here it is $300), and we are waiting on the results of that....just praying that there isn't an issue (but of course I'm nervous there will be an issue that wasn't recognized before..). I will be praying for you guys as you navigate through all of this...

  3. Oh Rachel,

    I understand...I snapped at a very, very good friend who loves me beyond words, this past weekend. She made a comment and said "we're gonna pray that God blesses you and that you can be stress free and "it" will happen" I snappily said "it just doesn't happen because you deem yourself stress free" I then said "I'm tired" You, my friend are tired...

    Just as I felt bad for being snappy, so did you, but at least we acknowledged they meant well.

    I'm working to get my HAPPY back...its slowly finding me. I promise to pass it your way!

    HUGS and :) :) :)

  4. Hi Rachel, I am visiting your blog after I visited mine.

    It's so hard to answer that simple question. "How's it going?" "How are you?" And there's such a mask there. "Fine." We all say. But really, we're not. I can completely relate to how you are feeling. It's so unnatural to wear a mask in this way.

    Good luck with your IUI.

  5. The "Are you ok" question is always complex to me.

    First off I think ...."ok does this person REALLY care...or are they just trying to be nosey?"

    If i think they are just being nosey I will say I'm fine....and if i feel like they really care then I will go into some details about my situation.
    I also have to consider whether or not I think they are going to gossip all over town about my situation.

    Geez. "Are you ok" is such a loaded question..haha

    I hope you have a great birthday and find some happiness!

  6. I absolutely hate for someone to ask if I'm ok. I can be bopping along and out of nowhere those three words can reduce me to tears!